I was all excited when I woke up yesterday, feeling like it was Christmas morning. It was National Go Topless Day, sponsored by GoTopless.org. At 3pm, women would march topless down Lincoln Road, from Washington to Alton and then had back to the park at Euclid in front of Pizza Rustica/Nexxt Cafe.
Yippee! Boobies! Probably hundreds of them! Setting them free! Yay!
Yeah, no.
The story on CBS makes it sound more dynamic than it was. It was kind of… eh. And quite honestly, personally, I’m not sure I can endorse boobs out in the open. It’s bad business.
To start, I showed up at 3:02pm, two minutes late. Mayday wanted to come so we both rode on my scooter with one kinda flat back tire to the event. Park on Pennsylvania and Lincoln and begin heading towards Washington (the cut-them-off-at-the-pass plan in full effect).
There’s a crowd up ahead. Lots of photographers. Lens of all shapes and sizes. Signs of protest in the air. Smallish signs of yellow and purple. Wait for it… wait for it…
Boobs!
And… eh. Boobs. Six of them in total. Six attached to three women brave enough to bare their breasts. Three women bold enough to stand up for the right to bare breasts. Three women with beliefs. And with those three women, we covered some of the more natural of breasts. Here are the “I Look Natural” implant breasts. Here are the “The Sixties Were Awesome” breasts. And there go the “The Pasties Aren’t Big Enough” breasts.
For however many blocks it takes to get from Washington to Michigan (or wherever Segafredo is) and then back to Euclid where the park is… it was these three pasties-covered women, the six to ten topless men marching in solidarity, two-hundred photographers, and then the very few people on Lincoln who were insane enough to venture out under the sweltering sun at 3pm. Even the open air market that’s on Lincoln Road every (or every other) Sunday was barren.
As a bonus to all of this, there were some nicely weird moments:
Like when Mr. Clucky didn’t display any surprise as the crowd (which I was a part of) moved past him. - Like when the photographers starting shooting birds in the sky and random people not at all connected to the event.
- Like when a man in a black t-shirt that I’m sure had a wolf howling at the moon on it, yelled out, “Move out of the way you damn queers,” as the topless trio approached. (I asked him, too, just so you know. “Sir, WTF? I mean, really. WTF?”)
- Like when one random young lady was nearly converted on the spot to go topless, the crowd going wild with anticipation. And by wild, I mean “my god, will the heat ever let up and she looks like she might do it.” And by crowd, I mean photographers hoping to catch a nipple and not a pastie for a change.
- Like when the older – and I want to say granny but it feels so wrong – woman joined in with her red mesh shirt and sailor cap. And I think those were actually nipples underneath the mesh.
I mentioned this in the forums on MiamiBeach411: it was like eating a box of chocolates without the enjoyment of eating each one of those chocolates, and instead only enduring the pain of eating a box of chocolates.
Carlos Miller was there covering for NBC Miami, though, so I got to see him. And then all of a sudden, the marchers were at the park, the speech was being given, the wrap-up interviews being done and the event was over. And by this point, my linen shirt is now entirely unbuttoned, having unhooked the buttons one-by-one over the last hour. I’ve unwittingly freed my breasts. Maybe the heat was part of their master plan to get people to think seriously about freeing their breasts, I think. Then I realize that’s just the heat talking.
What I was saying originally, though, was that for purely selfish reasons, I can’t really condone breasts out in the open. Visions of breasts and the taboo are what I sell. And if women are just going to be giving them away, then that kind of affects my market share. And I’m a nice guy and all, but I don’t know if I can go along with it.
I kid. Free breasts are good. Free breasts of all kinds. I support the right to bare breasts.
Just like the woman from the sixties chanted through megaphone through the duration of the walk, “Free your breasts, free your mind.”
I thought Mr. Clucky moved away!
Oh, I heard about this last week, but forgot all about it after a split second.
Yeah, as a woman – and an owner of breasts – I gotta say, I just don’t get it. I understand the whole going topless on the beach, Euro-thing. But other than that, not so much. And honestly, even boobs in bras just get in the way most of the time; I don’t even want to think of the very painful accidents that could occur when they hang freely. I get that these women are all about the “if men can do it, so can we” philosophy, but even men shouldn’t walk around shirtless all the time. It’s just gross. Thank goodness for “no shoes, no shirt, no service”!
Balou, I think you make a great point; things that can swing around or get into uncomfortable places need containing. Of course, up to a point it is a matter of personal choice. But when I’m near food, a shirt goes own. Not because I’m a prude, but because I shed.
Don’t judge me!
Plus, just think of all the extra sunscreen you have to wear!
“Balou, I think you make a great point; things that can swing around or get into uncomfortable places need containing”
well I guess the men that have big boobs should be wearing bra’s then?
When will such women understand that baring all is not considered getting equal with men. a woman should be pride of her character and should balance her modesty depending upon the condition. whoever came with the concept that a woman is pleasing to the eye in least amount of clothes while men with as much clothese as possible.
Its really sad to see that so many of women today simply want to drop their clothes and become the object of selfish desire at the will of men out there. this is the reason why women are loosing respect in general in our society. these women think they are ‘being free’ while the opposite is true.
From a guy
Please, PLEASE tell me they’re not planning a free your penis day.