In the past four days, in three model shoots, I've taken 6,600 photos. Ana, Acacia, and Gigi went through the photos from the Sirens shoot the other night and picked out roughly 10% of the photos that they liked.
I never went through them. I just picked off a handful that they selected and marked on a sheet of paper. I still have more to do. 99.9% or 10% to do. Of the ones they selected. And I still haven't looked.
From yesterday's shoot with Ana and Acacia, I skimmed the photos last night, and opened roughly 20% that I would be proud to publish and stick my name to. 20 percent is a number I am MORE than happy to live with. Especially given all the factors yesterday. Multiple models, multiple photographers to look at, crowds to deal with... 20 makes me happy from yesterday.
Today, I had a third shoot with Katja and holy hell, her photos come out amazing. Every time I shoot Katja, it amazes me; I get the highest hit rate with her out of anyone. We took nearly 3,000 photos today. Of those, it's just madness... We sat here today and just randomly opened photos, and probably 8 out of every 10 were great shots. It's just insane how well she shoots.
I have another shoot tomorrow with Vanessa that's to last for hours. I anticipate easily hitting the 3,000 mark again. Possibly 4 or 5. And hopefully as high a hit rate as with Katja.
Do you see a problem here? I do.
I need to sleep. I haven't gone to bed since Tuesday night.
... if today is the day I die. I sent an email the other day that read as follows. And perhaps this will explain some things....
My thoughts now (and frequently running in this pattern are) I'm a dead man. And it's simple, really. The more happy I am with something, the more I feel death approaching. Today made me incredibly happy. So my natural tendency is to expect that I'm heading toward a horrible ending quicker now. I don't know why. I can't explain. But today.... with everyone. Just what a great day for me. Ever since the other afternoon... this has just been an incredible experience.
....
I'm so lucky to have met all of you.
And so today... a day after one of the most amazing days in my life, I have to wonder: is today the day I die?
If it is, check my last photo from the set that will come today for clues. Or some people I know who I spent time with yesterday could tell you.
But what an unreal insane superbly fucking unbelievably what-the-fuck how-the-fuck-did-I-do-that kind of day it was yesterday. So fucking insane sentences don't need commas kind of crazy!
And I'm wide awake because of it. Fuck. That's "fuck" as in what the fuck!?, not "fuck" as in I can't believe I'm awake.
I cannot WAIT to share!!!!!
(I think the theme song here should be, "You're getting even while I'm getting odd" which I don't even know the lyrics too, or if it even is a song, but it's a familiar phrase that runs through my head. But nobody's getting even; I'm just getting odd.)
So yesterday, I woke up a little freaked out by stuff. Today, not so much. Today, I just woke up. On my couch again. I passed out once more from a night of going everywhere, doing really nothing at all.
Saturday night, I was up until around 6:30am with... the peoples. Monday? Was it Monday we shot? It must have been. And I was up that night until around 7am. I'm losing track of my days, my hours.
I am Jack's sleepy insomnia.
I got so many great photos of Ana, Acacia, and Gigi the other day. And Trevor took aMAZing video which I need to edit. But I've already got 10 hours of other video I need to edit.
And that's all apart from other stuff which HAS to be done. I don't have enough hours. And I'm fucking them all away.
No, I'm not. I just don't have enough of me to get everything done. I can sit here, I can type, I can edit, I can write, I can manipulate, I can sort, I can view, I can saturate, I can de-saturate, I can clip, I can crossfade, I can smoke cigarettes, I can watermark, I can stamp exif data, I can make pot after pot after pot of espresso, I can do, I can do, I can do.... And there is not enough time.
But today.... today... for the next 12 hours, 14 hours, 16 hours, until I pass out once more, and hopefully not on the couch, I will accomplish. Fuck.
And as I finish typing this, the text message comes:
"Do you want to do another shoot today? THE CRAZY ONE!?!"
i am tired. i am tired of shooting. i am tired of editing. i am tired of video. i am tired of everything visual. Something is seriously ticking me off. Two things actually are really ticking me off. I want to say something but I think it's best to just....
It's been noted before by others that I'm passive aggressive. Right at this moment, I'm bothered. And I really would like to sort it out sensibly. But you know what? Know what I'm going to do?
I'm just going to bottle it all up inside.
Because... Because I'm a simpleton. I'm the Mayor of Simpleton in fact.
Never been near a university,
Never took a paper or a learned degree,
Now some of your friends,
Think that's stupid of me,
But it's nothing that I care about.
Well, I don't know,
How to tell the weight of the sun,
And of mathematics,
Well I want none.
And I may be the Mayor of Simpleton,
But I know one thing,
And that's I love you.
-Mayor of Simpleton by XTC
Entirely applicable to me right at this moment. Except I have a Bachelors of Science in Mathematics. And I'm not throwing my love to anyone. Just, had to finish that line. It's like playing the first raps of "Shave and a Haircut" a la "Who Framed Roger Rabbit;" it's not complete without the last two raps.
i love the new photos. u are an awesome photograph! i can't wait to see more. party like a rock star!
Don't send repo man. Had 2 fix car. Will send next week. Promise. Btw late happy bday.
Geez its been forever. Howve you been?
Would you maybe pick us up? The bus takes so long.
Scott, this quote was made for you:
"When I ask to photograph someone, it is because I love the way they look and I think I make that clear. I'm paying them a tremendous compliment. What I'm saying is, I want to take you home with me and look at you for the rest of my life. - Amy Arbus - On the question: "How do you get cooperation from your subjects for such wonderful portraits?" Interview with Amy Arbus - Revealing Human Nature Through Portrait Photography."
doing a search for use of my images.. came up with this one..
my name is Christian, and I`m 31 years young. I`m here at youtube.com for watching nice videos, and getting to know new people. As I browsed through the videos, I discovered your video "Katja Jumping on the bed". It`s a very nice video - I really like it. It`s sooo much fun. But now let me ask you a little question: How old is Katja in this video? I know, I`m very curious, but I really would like to know.
My iPod is on again. It's always on. But I've spent a few days listening to the same two or three sets of songs over and over.
But this afternoon... this afternoon "Lady in Red" by Chris DeBurgh comes on. Now, I've never claimed to have any collection that I can be proud of so you can go ahead and lay into me for having this on my iPod or even more for liking the song.
But I do. Not "do have a good collection." Do love this song. My collection is questionably questionable.
I've never seen you looking so lovely as you did tonight,
I've never seen you shine so bright,
Mmm-hmmm-hmmm.
I've never seen so many men ask you if you wanted to dance,
They're looking for a little romance,
Given half a chance.
And I've never seen that dress you're wearing,
Or the highlights in your hair that catch your eyes,
I have been blind.
Lady in red,
Is dancing with me,
Cheek to cheek,
There's nobody here,
It's just you and me,
It's where I wanna be,
But I hardly know,
This beauty by my side,
I'll never forget,
The way you look tonight.
I've never seen you looking so gorgeous as you did tonight,
I've never seen you shine so bright,
You were amazing.
I've never seen so many people want to be there by your side,
And when you turned to me and smiled,
It took my breath away.
And I have never had such a feeling,
Such a feeling of complete and utter love,
As I do tonight,
The lady in red
Is dancing with me,
Cheek to cheek,
There's nobody here,
It's just you and me,
It's where I wanna be,
But I hardly know,
This beauty by my side,
I'll never forget,
The way you look tonight.
I never will forget,
The way you look tonight.
The lady in red,
My lady in red,
I love you.
-Lady in Red by Chris De Burgh
In my life, I danced with the her. Once or twice I did. And I had such a feeling. A feeling of complete and utter love. But the memory.. the memories are surely my imagination, I feel certain.
I remember a summer at the beach along the eastern seaboard, going to a local night spot and dancing with some beauty by my side. I forgot the way she looked that night. She was memorable enough for me to, years later, remember that night. But she was... who was she?
And I remember there was another, wasn't there? Yes. Yes, there was.
And then I hear the song again in my head. With a beautiful girl by the name of Claire. Claire of England. Claire who was on summer vacation like me, coping with the desert sun in all the ways we could: days by the pool, afternoons in the snack bar. Big white-rimmed sunglasses and umbrellas. Slow motion. Claire laughs.
I remember her in a dress. I remember her silky legs, the soft shoulders that come at that age, and her perfectly blue eyes. And I remember her in slinky dresses. Or maybe I just imagined it all. Maybe it never happened.
I was having coffee the other day with a girl (beautifully bohemian but bohemian is the wrong word; she just... is) and we were talking about a Ray Bradbury story. Somehow, in the midst of our conversation, she pulled out a large softback book, easily 1000 wide pages, of Ray Bradbury Stories. And she began to tell the tale of an older woman who these neighborhood kids would visit. The kids never believed that she was young. And eventually, as the kids began to remove items of her from her life, the woman began to believe (or maybe accept?) that she, in fact, had never been a kid.
My point is, maybe I imagined these memories. Memories of these nights. Maybe we never met at all. And maybe we never danced.
I hear this song and I think, "I should like to meet that woman. And I should like to remember that night. And I should like to never forget."
Possibly. Maybe I should just skip to the next song on my iPod.
There's a song by Lemon Jelly called Nervous Tension. I only mention it because that phrase just went through my head. I think that's what I'm feeling right about now: nervous tension.
And what do I have to be nervous about? What could I possibly have to be tense about? I'll tell you what.
Models.
Models make me nervous. They make me tense. Scheduling with models is such a precarious thing. One minute it's on, the next it's off. Then it's on again. Then, "Oh sorry, when are we shooting again?"
Editor's Note: It should be noted that I am NOT referring to any model that appears in the galleries nor the models I am shooting tomorrow and the next day and meeting tonight. And definitely NOT the girl in the picture, Katja. (Hi Katja )You're all just the tops.
It can be nerve-racking. I need the experimental model still. The one that lives here. The one that will shoot what I want to shoot. The one that has great ideas that wants to do and explore everything that comes to mind. That's what I need.
Until then, I schedule, I plan, things fall through, my house gets cleaned for no good reason. I feel like a nerviplatimus.
It's okay, though. It's all worthwhile. But it's still nerve-racking.
Tension, though.... I need a good shoulder rub and head massage. Like one of those "stand behind me, this is the prize-fight champ, just gotta go this round" kind of massages. Although, that doesn't sound so appealing because then I know I'm going in for a clobbering of some sort.
Maybe meditation rocks are what I need. My kids gave me a meditation fountain a few years ago. I created a website dedicated specifically for it. Every day, I would look at it for inspiration, and every day, there would be a post on the site that read, "Meditated on fountain. Still not inspired." THAT was a fun blog. For about three days.
Oh fuck it. You know what I'm going to do? Just to make matters worse? I'm going to make a HUGE pot of espresso and drink it all right now. Because I need to be more on edge than I am.
Seriously. Maybe that'll be a good thing. To put me to that point where I'm just RIGHT on the edge of freaking the fuck out.
I need to clean for tomorrow anyway, so maybe it'll help me just spaz out on cleaning.
In other news, I still like squeezable jelly. Had some on an English Muffin today. An English Muffin that I toasted in the oven and then set to broil so the edges would get crispy. Sprayed butter on before I stuck it in. Then squeezed the squeezable jelly on top. Mmmm.
I think this is the first year where I don't actually want to say how old I am. Although, if you've been following my blog, you'll know that last year I was 38. So add one to that and hey, look at me! All 39 and stuff. Sheesh.
Thirtyeight is such a better number than the current one. But it's ok. I'm preserving well. And I'm young at heart. And people still think I'm mildly cool. (Dementia set in a long time ago, as I'm still believing all of these foolish notions.)
In any event, in honor of today, I've decided to do something different and live blog the whole day!!!
It sounds kind of exciting until you realize that every single day I'm sitting in front of this computer. Typing. Or doing something. So.... yeah.
I suppose we could start with a rundown of the morning.
Woke up a little on the late side. It's ok. It's my birthday. I can do that.
Read some emails, well wishes from friends. Facebook bday wishes.
Took some phone calls. My ex even called me. I'm so loved. By all the wrong people.
Um....
That's about it.
Oh, Ginji is hanging out with me today. No birthday wishes from her yet. She doesn't seem to notice anything different about me at all. The cut of my jib doesn't look any more dapper to her, apparently. It's ok.
My life just rocks. Here I come, 39. Actually, I'm going to the beach. In like 10 minutes. And I'm going to lay out and swim.
I won't be live-blogging that part, but I'll be sure to update you about all the excitement of it when I get back. Before I take Ginji out for peepees and poopies. I'll blog about that, too. I'll see if I can get photos.
3:19pm update:
I went to the beach.
Saw people.
Ran into Tere as a sheer matter of coincidence. She gave me my only in-person birthday greeting. Aw! Then she threw $20 on my stomach and told me to leave. No, I kid. i heart you, Tere!
Then I went to the bank. And lo and behold, the calendar said it was 24 June! My birthday!
Then I went by Meridian Market and got some bread. Because man can't live on cigarettes, coffee, and Nesquik alone.
Now it's Pug-Time! Dooo-do-do-do! (Picture me in purple Hammer Pants nowz! Because that's what I'm wearing!)
This is just riveting! What a birthday!
6:20pm update:
Yawn. Oh, that was a good nap. The beach wears me out. This, on the heels of Pug-Time! Doooooo-doo-do-do!
Scheduling models, scheduling a visit with friends, talk on phone to girl I'm meeting out tonight with friend. Supposed to shoot the two of them together on Saturday now, not Thursday.
Thinking about getting my drink on, tonight.
Need to wake up. I should make a cafe con leche.
Found a model I worked with has a new blossoming portfolio and thrilled for her. I'm in it. Thrilled for me. It's my birthday!
Still tired. Need to get to that cafe con leche now.
Will be taking the pug to the park in about an hour. Will be anti-social more than likely, with iPod, as a number of songs are stuck in my head and I need to focus on them right now. Maybe I can get them out before I go.
8:53pm update:
Dog to the park. Poopoos, peepees. Sent her after girl, returned with tennis ball. Needs more training.
Walk home, emails sent for final scheduling of shoots this week. Friend coming to town. Coordinated.
Still thinking about getting my drink on, tonight.
Grateful to all of the people who all of my friends and family who wished me a happy b-day. CRAP! I forgot to call my kids back! They were at the beach when I talked to the 'rents earlier. Need to call them.
10:03pm update:
No meeting girl and friend tonight. Friend delayed from out-of-town arrival.
Still thinking about getting my drink on, tonight. Told Mitch today was my b-day. Got a handshake and a congrats. He suggested we go get drinks tomorrow. Maybe I should change that to tonight.
Crap. Still need to call kids.
11:59pm update:
What? Oh, right. I'm happily trashed.
Talked to my boys. Finally. My oldest didn't want to talk about his day, hes said, "No, let's hear about yours." My boy, my boy! I like this about him but I fear he might be not studying up on his narcissism enough. Still, I love him.
"Loser had a birthday? Loser is having a birthday?" I luvs me some Penelope. She's da bomb-diggetay. Sat around with her and Mitch, and Ginji. And laughed about all the bullshit of life and all the fun shit in life. She's so cool, Penelope.
And I've gotten such GREAT emails and text messages in the past couple of hours.
Such a fantastic day. It feels good. This was a good day. I really love this life o' mine. It feels good to have all of this around. And to have all these people. I liked a hug in the midst of text today. That was neat.
Still trashed. Probably shouldn't be typing at all. I think I'm done with text for the day. I think it's photos for the rest of the night.
I paid a visit to my netvibes page (because for some reason I can't seem to convince myself to set it as my start page; I think it just needs overhauling). Anyway, HCwDB is on my reader. I'm always drawn in like a train wreck. So much for productivity.
Something smells really good right now. I don't know what it is. It's the scent of a woman. Only I don't know the perfume. But it's perfume. Maybe powder. Or lotion of some sort.
I'm trying to guess where it's coming from and I have no clue. Perhaps left over from yesterday? Perhaps last night? I don't know.
All I know is that I'm liking this scent being here right now. Inexplicably here.
For the first time in a long while, I woke up after noon today. I don't know how that happened. I think it was because the night before (Friday night) I was up until around 5 in the morning. Then I got up around 8am to get ready for my first shoot with Katja.
THAT was a blast. Soooo happy with the way the photos are coming out.
Around 2:30, Katja left and at 3, Vanessa arrived for our shoot. THAT was good and went really well. Vanessa left around 7 and then I got showered to go to a party over at Carraba's followed by bottles of wine on the beach with friends.
Around 1:30am, a small group of four of us were swimming in our underwear in perfectly still waters and a bright moon hiding in the haze of clouds that have been here all week.
Got home around 2:30am, tried to work on photos but was soooo tired, I just passed out. And then? Then it's 12:25 in the afternoon.
I've been sitting here going through photos and I realize that I am falling more and more behind. I mean, I have so many sets I need to go through, all the way back from the first shoot with Madison still! But it's okay. I can get caught up. Today, I'm going to breeze through some photos from yesterday and then just work on some other stuff.
Tonight, I'll get a good night's sleep. And then tomorrow, Katja and I shoot again. Cannot WAIT to shoot her again. Comes out so fantastically.
Both shoots yesterday... just great.
OH!!!! I have two new flashes. Tested out with both of them yesterday and REALLY like what they're bringing. I'm going to have to do a lot more experimenting and really get used to one flash in particular which has too many settings for me to know what to do with right now.
Anyway. I think I'm caught up on sleep. That's all for now.
When you come over tomorrow, I'll have a full-screen DVD for you. The YouTube video doesn't do it justice. Plus, it's not in widescreen format on YouTube.
It's still very cool, but looks sooooooooo much better in 16:9 format.
Everyone else...
This is my new direction. These are my new big projects. I'm shooting behind the scenes footage now during photo shoots with the intention of providing something more, both to the model and to subscribers. This video is from one of four sets that Vanessa and I did last Saturday, the Strangelove Set.
The other thing that I'm going to be doing is shooting thematic videos with models now. This was one of the primary reasons I invested in video equipment.
But then too, I'm also going to be shooting some of my own videos. More than, "I Dance in a Kilt." (Although, you can expect that I'll be doing that stuff, too, still. Because you KNOW I'm still a tremendous dork.)
But with any luck, I'll have the first video up in about a week of what I reeeeeeeally want to shoot.
In the meantime, I hope you like the video. I'd be curious to get feedback with this being the first one I shot and put together. And any recommendations are welcome. But seriously? This looks sooooo much better in widescreen format. If I could figure out how to display that here, I would. Anyone know?
Miami Fever. If you follow Miami photographers on flickr, you know him. Carlos Ramos. I've mentioned him a couple o' times, being a huge fan of his and I've had the privilege of shooting with him at Exxxotica.
Fever's got a site now. Oh yeah! Miami-Fever.com. It's redirecting to a blogspot address right now. I'm glad to see he snagged that address, though.
I was just talking to Carlos the other night about some stuff and I'm thrilled to see this site. I hope he brings more of everything that's just pure gold on his flickr stream to the site. (And if you haven't seen his flickr stream, you need to check it out now. Go here. Now.)
I've been meaning to do something new here on the site, paying tribute to some of my favorite photographers. Artists that just flat out rock. So it's fitting that I start with Fever, since he was, without doubt, one of my biggest inspirations in getting seriously into photography when I moved to Miami.
The way he sees something... the moment that he captures... everything about his work is phenomenal. LOVE his night photography. And anytime he pops up with a model shot? Just fantastic. The tone and feel in all of his images is just ultra-sexy.
Anyway, check him out. He never fails to deliver amazing imagery.
Today was my day, father's day. I didn't get a card, though. (Little bastards.) And I only talked to one of my sons tonight (the youngest was already asleep, trying to make his vacation at the beach start quicker by going to bed early). But I didn't need to talk to both of them.
Because... well, because I didn't need to. Father's day doesn't mean anything to me. My kids love me. And it isn't one day a year where they have to muster up some energy to express some affection toward me. They genuinely love me and it's so obvious. I should squeeze them in public. Because teenage boys like when their fathers do that.
But it's so nice with them. I have more than a relationship with my boys; I have a GOOD relationship with my boys. I probably have an ideal relationship with my boys, honestly. I absolutely love them and they are, without doubt, my best friends in the world.
But the thing is, they love me back! They really, really love me! And they're teenagers and they still love me!!!!
So father's day? Whatever, yeah. Ok. Happy father's day to the fathers out there. And for anyone lucky enough to be in my shoes, to have such great kids, they'll tell you: it's like being a member of the jelly of the month club: it's the gift that just keeps on givin'.
Awww, I heart you, you little boogers. Let's have a hug! In public!
Things that, in the not so distant past, I would've like to have said but didn't.
Seriously, stop talking. I can't listen to you anymore.
What's up, sexy? How YOU doin'? We should do something. Sometime. Do you like stuff? I do!
In other news...
I have a soundtrack running through my head right now. It's been running through for a few days. This is important. It's important because this soundtrack is forming the basis for what's to come.
And what is to come is a big project. I'm going to start presenting myself differently here.
I'm still the same person, but I think it's time to show more. To tell more. That might be good.
There are some things that shouldn't be said. But there are some things that most definitely should.
I want to complete this project quickly. I have to set my alarm for the morning.
